We interrupt our regularly scheduled frivolous programming for something a bit more serious and sentimental...
I couldn't sleep this morning. I woke up thinking about my friend Kat who is due to have her first baby in less than a month...was she sleeping okay?...feeling anxious, tired, heavy?? Did she have any idea what she was getting her self into?? She's one of my first pre-baby friends to get pregnant and since she lives in Brooklyn I haven't been able to bombard her with lots of well meaning, unsolicited advice. I thought back to those first few hours, days, weeks and the flood of emotions is still pretty fresh two plus years later...having a child has been more magical, more fullfilling, more everything than I could have imagined...I think the sun, moon, and starts revolve around Lila and I'm so thankful that she's mine. It's been strangely freeing - freedom from worrying about the small stuff, freedom to feel love that intensely... but it's also been the most challenging thing that I've undertaken. Was there any small piece of advice I could pass on...mother to mother, that would make the transition easier...less fraught with uncertainty? Would telling her that the first 3 months are ridiculously hard help or worry her? Would she take comfort in knowing that everyone's hormones are crazy postbaby? that breastfeeding is really difficult at first but that it gets easier so she should persevere? that her take home from the hospital kit will include maxi-pads size super enormous? So here's a few pratical things I can remember and I'd love to hear your thoughts...what do wish other parents had told you, what do you remember about those first months?
1) Two things really helped me have a postive birthing experience...
prenatal yoga and my doula. Yoga provided me with so many moments of calm during pregnancy and really helped me to connect to what was going on...learning to breathe was so important too...and I think having a
doula is almost a necessity especially if you are planning a drug free delivery. I was able to labor at home for a long time, arrived at the hospital fullý dialated and then pushed like a mother (pardon the expression) for 3 hours...whew! But it was all worth it and if I can do it naturally (I'm a huge wuss) so can anyone with a little prep work...a doula also takes a lot of the pressure of your hubby so he can focus on you and not feel stressed about everything else...if you are on a tight budget you can always look for doulas in training who need experience.
2) You will need decidedly unglamorous items when you get home - giant maxi pads, tucks and a sitz bath...you'll feel a little silly sitting in the sitz but it really makes things so much better!
stock up on nice pjs too because you'll have lots of visitors but don't really feel like getting dressed either...
3)Take a breastfeeding class - just because it's natural doesn't mean it's easy...a book is great too - I like
Dr Sears...and if you plan on doing it don't let any of the nurses or mil's pop a bottle or paci in that newborn's mouth...it's hard to go back! Also, breast pads are essential because you leak like crazy for the first month or so...yes, I know - glamorous right? Printed tops are helpful for hiding leaks and I lived in nursing tanks (I loved these
Glamourmom ones but Target sells them as well) for at least a year...I liked them much better than bras...who wants to show off a cold tummy? Henleys are also a good nursing top as are scarves for covering up in public (maybe this subject needs a whole post?). It definitely gets easier so don't get discouraged...
Also, if you are feeling a little worn out a clean pinky is a good paci alternative til they are 6 weeks...
4) You will be starving when you are nursing!! Much more so than beforehand...stock up your freezer with food and get your friends to sign up to bring you meals...friends of new parents - no visitor should arrive without food! Leave the onesies in the store and pick up some take out instead...
5) Your hormones will be on a huge rollercoaster - it is not inappropriate to cry a lot (I remember blubbering " but I love her so much I don't think I can handle it!!") obviously there is a line between normal and depression so please seek help if you're feeling the latter...
6) Seek out other new moms...it doesn't matter if they are complete strangers - I promise you can talk for hours about naps, diapers, nursing, etc...no one understands you better right now. If you are in Mpls,
Blooma is a godsend - sign up for their mommy and me yoga - but all cities have new moms groups...just google! I was lucky enough to have my next door neighbor, who I adore, have a baby 6 weeks before and she was the lovely person who brought me Tucks and yummy baked goods...a true friend!
7)Babies get really overstimulated and need to sleep every few hours...I found it really helpful to just go lay in a dark room with Lila when she couldn't settle down...just because newborns seem to sleep anywhere doesn't mean they don't need some peace and quiet.
8) Plan a set date night and line up babysitters beforehand...we still struggle with this and it's important to have alone time...I'll just be honest - having a baby is hard on your relationship and it will be a bit of work to keep it healthy those first few years...delegate responsibilities like baths to dad so he doesn't feel left out and you don't feel worn out.
9) Pumping milk sucks! Get a nice
pump and start doing it right away when you have lots of milk as opposed to later when your supply is matched up to your babe's appetite. Also make sure your hand pump works if you go away for a day so you aren't sitting in a bathroom stall at Jazz Fest self pumping so your boobs aren't aching - very very glamorous!!
10) A lot of gear is unnecessary and can wait til after the baby arrives...things we hardly ever used: nice Oeuf Crib - never, lovely svan highchair - a few months?, spendy Bugaboo stroller - rarely...every babe is different but we used a sling and bjorn a lot and ended up cosleeping so I wish we had just invested in a bigger bed...
I'm sure I'm forgetting so much more!!! I'd love to hear everyone's comments!
It really is the best thing ever - I can't imagine my life without my Lila so enjoy the ride and just let go of all the small stuff! These first years go by so fast...
Great Gifts for New Parents:
pjs, food, a cleaning service, spa day, babysitting
Update: Make sure to read the comments!!! So many wise gems from other moms...
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